A Broken Hearted Soul
by Twilight Always
Summary: I never said it Lily, but I thought you were perfect, you were everything I ever wanted, why couldn't you see that?" . . . Severus snape visits Lily and James Potters graves, telling Lilys grave how he felt about her and hoping she can hear him.


**A Broken Hearted Soul**

_I fell down to my knees on the cold solid ground beneath me. The ground before Lily Evans...I mean, Lily Potter's grave, as silent tears ran down my tragically tragic looking face. I knew I looked a right mess. But I didn't think of that, I knew my end was coming soon, voldermort trusted me, I knew that, but he would not hesitate in killing me, just like he killed the beautiful red head now buried beneath the ground. She was so beautiful when she was alive. So full of knowledge, so full of life. _

_When Lily would smile at me, Severus Snape, I'd feel like I was special. Not like I was the greasy Snape, but Severus Snape, her best friend. But that's all that smile was to her, a best friend smile. I wanted to read more into it, oh lord did I ever. But, I knew it wasn't that kind of smile. The years grew on, and she had that special smile then, the one she only reserves for one person. _

_James Bloody Potter. _

_I'm sorry, I'm talking in present tense at times, you see. Lily and James are both in the ground now. I shivered then, not because of the coldness of the black night, but because a coldness filled my body and the blood in my vanes at the thought of Lily's bones lying underneath me. Useless, decade and just...not Lily. I wish she were here, you know? but the thing is, I don't know if she would want to even look at me without a look of hatred. The thing about Lily is that she didn't hold grudge, but she would have a reason to when it came to me. I was Severus snape, of Slytherin, who called my best friend, and girl I loved, a mud blood. _

_She couldn't forgive me for that. I know she couldn't, and I couldn't blame her, but I would always blame myself. The moment that word; mud blood, escaped my mouth I wanted to die. I saw the pain flash in her eyes, but I couldn't do anything about it. I couldn't change that mistake. But if I could, I would do it in an instant just to have her back as my best friend for a little while. _

_But still, after calling her a mud blood, time went on and soon she was with Potter, I was no longer her best friend. But she was still the best friend I had ever had. Seeing her and Potter together around school made me sick to my stomach, they were in love, i knew that. Everyone knew it, they even became inseparable. Always together. _

_Well, that's how I lost my Lily. How my Lily became James Potters Lily. It didn't take long to realize tears were oozing from my eyes and down my pale face and long nose. I looked at her grave stone, and then dropped my head down in shame. This was my fault. I was the reason she was dead, and there's not one day that I don't wake up wishing it was me who died in her place, cause hell, a part of me died with Lily anyways. "Lily," I said softly, "I'm...I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking, I grew up, so full of hate, and you were basically the only good thing in my life, and I've lost you, and what's horrible is Harry has lost you to" I whipped a tear from my cheek, "Oh Lily, you should see him, he looks like Potter…I mean, James" I choked out the name, "except he has your eyes Lily. Exactly your eyes, sometimes it makes me gasp how much his eyes are like yours. Maybe that's why I've treated him so coldly, because those eyes, your eyes, they bring me right back to those days, Lils, remember those days? when you were my best friend, and I yours, when we'd joke about Petunia, but I knew you always loved her so much, I never said it Lily, but I thought you were perfect, you were everything I ever wanted, why couldn't you see that? why couldn't you see that I was in love with you Lils? not just as a best friend, but as something more, or did you see it and just let it by because we both knew you could never love me back, " my voice became softer and weaker with the next thing that I said, "because we both knew that you were madly in love with James Potter." I finished. I stood up, not bothering to wipe away the tears running madly down my face now, and I kissed the top of her grave stone, letting a clear tear drop fall onto the top of the cold stone._

_I turned away from the two head stones, which were side by side, like Lily and James always were. I stopped walking and looked over my shoulder, not at Lily's head stone, but at James', "You know, Potter.."I stopped and swallowed down a sob, "your so lucky, she loves you, no matter what I tried, it was always you she loved, not me, I was just her best friend, your so damn bloody lucky" then my eyes swept over to look at Lily's stone once more, "Lily, I've done everything I can to protect Harry, to keep him safe, to not be what you never wanted me to be, cold and a murderer, and I promise you Lily, I will keep him safe till I die, I promise you, and I wont go back on this promise" I turned my head away again and walked away, but this time I didn't look back, I couldn't handle it anymore. All I could hope was that Lily looked down on me from the heavens, still thinking, that's my best friend, but still, in the end all I would be was another broken hearted soul, missing her._

**Authors note: I hope you guys liked it! Snape is one of my favorite characters in the books and I really felt for him with the whole Lily/James thing, though I love Lily/James of course, so I really wanted to write a snape fan fiction of him visiting Lily and James' graves. Thanks for reading, Review Please =)**


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